1. Mystery of vocation
2. Possible obstacles to a calling
3. Concerning Christian decision making

This week deals with inner attentiveness to the fundamental direction of our life and presents the question of who makes the decisions in  the "House of our life" when we see ourselves as the "owner".

Have you at some time in your life already experienced a "piece of heaven on earth" after saying yes to God's will?  Or has your journey been entirely different?  Often there remains a restless longing in the heart for something to fulfill this yearning.  It is only later after we have found something that we become aware of what our long search has been about all along. The Church Father, Augustine, said in reflecting on his many years of searching, "Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee".  In retrospect we become aware that our deep disquiet and restless longing is nothing other than a weak image or reflection of the longing God has for us.

Although the means are different, the "fact" remains, God personally summons people or "calls" as the Bible says.  This is the way God used to call the people out of Egypt so they could learn to "follow God" during the forty years in the desert.  Jesus takes up this prophetic symbol when he calls his disciples to," Follow me!"

The call to follow addresses a primary concern of the spiritual life on which the exercises of the tenth week will focus.  The words which will be used are different.  What they mean will be the same.  One meaning speaks of returning, the other of sacrificing or surrendering life to God. Whoever discovers obstacles to these words can employ other words.  What is important is saying yes totally and unconditionally to God and placing our life at the disposal of God.  Sometimes God calls a person in such a way that resistance seems impossible.  The Bible tells us about that.  Along side this is another possibility where a person gradually grows in an attitude and one day simply knows that she/he cannot envision life in any way other than as a follower of Jesus Christ.

With regard to content, callings can be seen quite differently.  I personally remember how impressed I was as a child when my mother exclaimed once, "Well, do you think my choice to be a teacher was a clear calling from God for me?"  About that I felt there was no question.  Similarly a picture of a little, old woman comes to mind.  Her children had put her in a home for the elderly.  There she invested all her strength and love day and night taking care of the needs of her roommate, a woman crippled with rheumatism of the joints for many years.  Her life had found its fulfillment.  She lived as a follower of Jesus with a devotion that could hardly be surpassed.

Because every calling, however it appears, makes a total demand on the one called.  The way of following Jesus in the early church was closely connected to the obligations of the so called "evangelical counsels": poverty, chastity and obedience.  During the Reformation time the Protestant Church rejected these obligations and many generations of Protestant Christians considered these attempts to acheive a righteousness through works as inappropriate.  It is noteworthy that in our own time, even in Protestant circles, the need is growing again in many forms for living in small communities according to the evangelical counsels.  The most widely known and most influential is certainly the community of the Brothers of Taizé_.  This should make us stop and think.  What is breaking through again despite so much resistance must be a deep need intrinsic to the human spirit.  Here a "basic need" of the spiritual life is coming to light.  Therefore, it is important to reflect again today on these questions as Dietrich Bonhoeffer did in his book, The Cost of Discipleship.   Bonhoeffer saw a close connection between Jesus call to discipleship and taking on the practices of "poverty", "chastity" and "obedience".  Therefore, we recognize that these practices can be realized as much in the literal physical sense as in the spiritual sense.  This leads to the next consideration.

If there are, so to speak, "archetype" patterns of life for people who believe themselves totally claimed by God that means there are also fundamental dangers that can make the roots of a spiritual life unhealthy, indeed even kill it  Such "basic" dangers for the realization of the spiritual life lie in the uncontrolled striving of people for possessions, unrestrained satisfaction of all needs and acquisition of power.  Many psychologists suggest that it is extremely important for young maturing persons to bring these powerful forces under control. Only in this way will she/he become a fully developed and mature person.  We are dealing not only with the spiritual life, but  with a healthy human life.

This suggests another point.  The concern for human survival challenges us today to grasp the dangers present when a segment of society strives after more and more riches to satisfy every desire and more and more weapons"to keep the peace".  The early Church Fathers and Mothers would no doubt speak to our situation with the symbolic, graphic language of "demons" which influence people through thoughts and desires in order to destroy.  (cf. experiencing the power of darkness and dealing appropriately with spiritual darkness).  Our task is to break through the control of these powers.  Everyone must do that in their own situation.  A life intentionally concerned with "poverty, chastity and obedience" can, like leaven, gradually penetrate other areas of life from this perspective.  So the call of Jesus Christ to discipleship has not only a personal, not only a churchly, but  also a social dimension that we dare not overlook.

In order to avoid misunderstanding it must be clearly stated here that discipleship does not mean we deny all possessions, regard marriage and sexuality as evil or renounce every influential position.  It has rather to do with guiding the striving for possession, satisfaction of desires and power inherent in every person into proper channels to control them instead of being controlled by them.  To demonstrate that such is possible people voluntarily take on symbolically the "evangelical counsels" and renounce possession, marriage and their own ambitions in life.  Such people are seeking to live by more than just "a pilot light", and instead are entering into the "abundant life" as Jesus promised to his own (John 10:10).

The essential aim of this chosen conduct, beyond its social relevance, is a spiritual and personal one because every striving for possession, pleasure and power can gain control over individuals and make them unfree. The desert Fathers and Mothers spoke here of "demons". Only when we restrain these dangers at their roots, and that happens most clearly when we freely and consciously take on the opposite patterns of conduct, will we be inwardly free to be a disciple of Jesus. To do this it is not necessary to view the old and much used forms as absolutes.  In the final analysis they are symbols and therefore only clues to something deeper.  Every inner bondage that is not of God exercises a power over us of which we are seldom conscious.  Herein lie decisive inner obstructions which often hinder people from hearing the call of Jesus to discipleship when it comes.

Therefore, for Ignatius the "indifference" of a person, one's even tempered calmness toward all provisional values, is the most important preparation for receiving the call of Christ.
Whoever has heard the call of Jesus in their life and responded will in one way or another realize that following Christ leaves no room for addictive striving after possessions, egotistic self satisfaction and power. These basic dangers are never completely overcome, and present themselves again and again.  Whoever desires to live a full spiritual life must remain alert to these threats from one's own interior.  As a disciple of Jesus, we must at some point make a conscious decision which will determine the direction of our life and which will be realized, developed and deepened through the many little and seemingly insignificant everyday decisions.  This leads to the final consideration regarding the coming week of exercises.

Ignatius  places the consideration concerning right "decision" at this point of the spiritual journey.  The last two sections dealt with the living experience of the incomprehensible love of God and with the sober knowledge of our own dangers and darkness.  God knows these better then we do ourselves, therefore, they do not constitute a hindrance to God calling us into service.  On the contrary, it was the experience of being accepted by God despite our sins that became the springboard which encouraged the great lovers in the church to leap into the depths of God's divine love.  We only have to recall Paul, Augustine or Luther.  As loved and accepted sinners the decision was made easier for them to place their lives entirely in the service of God.  For other Christians such a decision grows slowly and gradually in the midst of all the human considerations each person brings.  What can be said about the different  ways of decision making?

- Whoever is concerned with the spiritual life can no longer make "autonomous" decisions  whether they are major or just everyday ones.  Concerning this Willi Lambert  says that Christians must meet every decision, with "two eyes", so to speak,.  With one eye we look at Jesus, his life, his deeds and his motivation while with the other eye we look at our own life and its possibilities, desires and realities.  Ignatius _ offers no specific consideration for the time of "decision".  Fundamental life decisions should take place precisely when we are looking away from ourselves and looking at Jesus Christ.  During a time of decision one always considers again and again the life and activity of Jesus Christ.  In this way the important and essential decisions will "grow" and "ripen" normally and not be forced through an accelerated process, unless God demands a decision so direct and unequivocal that to hesitate would be self denial.

- It is important that no decision be made which excludes practical and sober considerations.  In times of an emotional high there is the danger of undertaking ventures of faith that contradict all practical considerations and which God in no way expects of us.  Certainly in the Christian life there will be situations in which God requests and expects us to"leap out of the boat".  But woe to those who leap without being called.  Peter answered the Lord, "If it is you, bid me come to you on the water" (Matt. 14:28).  And only as Jesus said "come!" could Peter relinquish all uncertainties and thereby experience that the "water carried" him as long as he looked at the Lord instead of at the wind.
Moreover, periods of spiritual drought are also not a good time for making reliable decisions.  Ignatius forbids making final, irrevocable decisions at such times.  He knows from his own painful experience that in such situations the darkness can be so deep that it prevents us from seeing the will of God.

- As a helpful method for making an appropriate decision Ignatius suggests that whoever has a choice between two ways should place themselves in both, one after the other. Meditating, they should try to pursue each way once and thereby observe carefully their inner feelings.  When one compares these feelings afterwards, they can give helpful hints for the way that is best for them. For the person who earnestly attempts to follow Christ, the path upon which he/she senses greater peace and deeper joy inwardly will most probably be the better path.  On the other hand what makes one inwardly restless and promotes confusion points to the fact that the "diabolos", the one who mixes up, has his finger in the pie. We must admit, however, that our own personal experience while offering good advice provides no final certainty. Decisions always involve risk. Normally it is only after following through with a decision that clarity comes whether or not it is in accordance with the will of God for us.  In other instances God challenges us to live with a decision for years about which we may not be certain . Moreover, there are many decisions of life which are neither "right" nor "wrong". There are often two possible ways both of which lead to the goal.  For a long time I struggled with the fact that the Apostle Paul in his Letter to the Philippians did not distinguish between "better" and "worse", but placed yet another category over this: " necessary" and "less necessary" (Phil. 1:23 f.).

- As a final possibility for making a good decision Ignatius  named a way that seems very level-headed.  Whoever has to make a decision between two possibilities should write down the the plus and minuses of each decision at the moment and then weigh one against the other.  In addition one should seek the help of a spiritual companion and not make any important decisions without such a person.  An outsider can often see more clearly what is better or worse for us, or more importantly, what may promote our spiritual life or what constitutes a hindrance.

What does all this mean in light of a call to "spiritual life" in the midst of "the world"?  Whoever has already clearly perceived and accepted the call to discipleship will be able to test and deepen that decision in this week.  Whoever has not seen their life under this sign can listen during the exercises of this week if a call, in whatever way, may also be intended for them.  Or we may ask ourselves if it is possible that a call has already stirred in us so softly, and undetectably we have not been aware of it.

Comment:
Remain truthful to yourself and God. Every  calling is God's free grace yet at the same time demands all our energy:  "Everyone to whom much is given, of her/him will much be required"  says Jesus (Luke 12:48). Whoever is called is always called to service.  Therefore, it  is important to remember that, according to Church tradition, three components must come together at some point for a life calling: first, ones  definite feeling of being called and the desire to answer this call; second, the external circumstances which make possible the required life changes; third, the authorization of the Church in whatever form it  is given at the time .

A decision for God whether it is a major life decision or a small everyday decision never makes us poorer.  It does not lead us away from real life but it opens us to the fullness of what God intended.  That can never be handed down as argument or incontestable "dogma", but only as personal testimony.  This will be true for everyone who risks this commitment.